Senior year,
August came barreling down as graceful as a newborn giraffe, slamming me onto a pavement and expecting me to piece myself back. I did not expect the days to go by without hitch, with such utter speed. Nothing is war away anymore.
I used to be able to look at the great things people have done and think: 'Hmm, I still have time.' To imagine empty spaces becoming littered by things I would be proud of myself for. I've always had it deeply embedded in my mind that I would grow into becoming someone great, filling out sunken curves and edges and becoming whole. This was then. Now,
Now-
I live with a gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach that something bad is about to happen. I am always on the edge, waiting for the fall and being unsure of which direction i should tip to. To be constantly nervous about something I have not yet understood, i perpetually feel the urge to vomit, or shift in my seat. I am not comfortable with others, and especially not with myself, the way I am now, or the way I used to be.
I am becoming something I promised myself to never become. I am turning into one of the monsters under my bed, one of the skeletons in my closet. Out of the seven sins, the best one which used to be best to exemplify me would be Pride, and yet I m gradually leaning more towards Wrath.
I am not prepared for the most important 6 months (or year) since I took my first lungful of air. I am scared, nervous, and angry at the same time. I am something I stare at disdainfully in front of the mirror. I am not myself.
Though, who actually is, these days?
I will never be ready, and I do not think anyone ever is.